Luck beats Talent: Delhi University and its 100% mischief

Foreword :

Just for the very sake and satisfaction of writing this F word, I did. The only premise to be considered is that this is an article which is being re-published, and appeared in News That Matters Not. A website aimed at spreading awareness with the greatest weapon mankind has ever wielded. Satire.

Do give the site a look. There is some amazing young talent churning out sensible humour to make their point...

Here's the link : http://newsthatmattersnot.com/2011/06/luck-beats-talent-delhi-university-and-its-100-mischief.html

Also this is a "slightly" different version, the one before proof reading. (Unfortunately) No prizes for finding he differences.

Now without further ado.

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So Delhi University 'eclipsed' what was the greatest event of the 'century'. In their latest foray, adopting an elitist paradigm, they have eliminated all lesser mortals of academia, lesser than perfection itself, blatantly disregarding aptitude, which to them is as insignificant as an in-flight souvenir auction. Their's is a numbers game of sorts, and one of buouyant audacity, to claim 100% as the cutoff marks to their University. Its a tad bit ironic, for a cutoff means marks "above" which admissions are considered. Having eliminated the "above" itself, the tast demands the divine to intervene, and can be translated to a desperate call of help to God, in helping them out with a mortal procedure.

Well, a 100% aggregate in class 12th is not so much a matter of talent, but of generous fate on part of the students, a function of the examiner’s mood swings, even his calculative perfection in totalling, efficient functioning of the hordes of middlemen (which by standards India boasts of, is NOT an asset it is made to sound like), and probably a million minute factors we cannot even account for. DU is demonstrating the power of Chaos. So if the examiner has unresolved father issues (perhaps just one innocent ice cream denied at a family outing before you even were born), you might consider your admission to DUs as unlikely as the morning sunrise is not.

So those of you who approximated the value of Pi, and did not consider the 10th decimal place, well you are not perfect. And you ergo, shall not be a DU-ite. You may score a 140 on the Mensa IQ test but do NOT pride in it. Yes you are among the top 3% of the human civilization after millions of years of evolution, which is cool and all, but hey! DU doesn't want that. DU doesn't want YOU. It's what Douglas Adams called perhaps the "Total perspective vortex". You will realise how small you are. Their's is an attempt to bring back mankind with wings to the ground, and not only that, to make you undertake a contortionist act at a mental level, where you CANNOT afford to learn, but remember, not understand, but reproduce, not create, but accept.

How the Spartans rejected every newborn they found was flawed, and came up to a meagre 300, owing ONLY to the mathematical impossibility in scoring, DU’s army stands at a still mighty 100. So aspirants, tonight, and every night, if I daresay, you dine in living hell. You die a hundred deaths in the fear, in the anguish of knowing your abilities, yet doubting their perfection. I am not trying to invoke the fear that shall dawn upon you as you wait biting whatever remains of your nails, watching your results appear on the fateful screen, fearing that a 100-100-100-99 is not the figure they are looking for. That one mark shall haunt you, in its immense insignificance at ground level, for the rest of your life. That one mark, will downcast your eyes to the muck of the road, and never shall you look into that horizon of excellence. This although does open avenues for Chuck Norris. To teach you to roundhouse kick the board exams to a 100% result.

Congratulations DU, for now getting to select students based on (im?)probability. Might as well flip a coin. Or a dodecahedron, for you are so in love with large numbers. The irony is, there WILL be a long line of students STILL contending to get into DU, with 100% results, apiece. How do you plan to raise the bars next year? 100% marks and 6ft + height? They might as well keep a single score, say a ranbom 94.62% as the selection marks, and you have to get exactly that, to get in. Aiming at something less than 100 "precisely" is infinitely more difficult, and definitely the next step. Or perhaps select students based upon the number of funny photos they have in their flickr account. Atleast THAT, they can practically work on. And will involve more wits than any board paper.

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